COPS

Have you ever been pulled over by the police for a minor traffic violation? It is a not so pleasant experience to say the least, but if you get pulled over in Ft Worth, TX it might be a little more unpleasant.

I just found out about this and felt obligated to share with everyone due to my love for law enforcement. Apparently back in 2007, a guy was pulled over for a minor traffic violation and the officer went to the door of the driver to get his information. The cop said that the driver was reaching for a gun and pulled the driver from the car and slammed his face onto the car, breaking the driver's nose.

To the officer's surprise, turns out that the driver was deaf and just trying to get his ID so the officer would realize that he could not effectively communicate with him. The driver was awarded $50,000 due to the incident.

In my opinion, the money is not enough. The officer should have his nose busted on a car, get kicked in the nuts and have to wear a special uniform that has "DipShit" on the front and back. This way, if you are pulled over, you will be aware that it is officer DipShit you are dealing with and you can contact your banker to let him know that you will be receiving a large sum of cash soon!

Ode to John Daly

I am so tired of the typical golf player. They are in perfect shape and perfectly manicured. They never speak out of turn and certainly show no emotion whether winning or losing. And then there is the man, the myth, the legend...John Daly.

Daly is almost finished with his PGA suspension, and he made his presence known at the most prestigious tournament in golf-The Masters. John is not playing, as he is suspended, awesome, but is there still making a buck. How, you might ask? He is selling hats, t-shirts and golf towels out of his RV across the street from Augusta National. Awesome! John has more fans than the majority of the field playing in the tournament while he has not won in years. Again, awesome!

John has been known to cuss, smoke, drink and throw fits on the PGA Tour...kinda sounds like me on a Saturday golf outing with the boys. John is now making a comeback. He has lost over 40 pounds since February and will be back on tour in no time. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Please don't change John, grip it and rip it, then toss back a cold one!

Here we go!!!

So, I'm really new at this and I seem to always have plenty to say so here goes. Either my wife thinks that my rants are good enough to be shared with everyone or she is just really tired of listening to my shit.

Today was a normal day for me as I make my ridiculous journey to work some 52 miles one way...that's 104 miles round trip for the slow learning group out there...and things were looking good. Then outta nowhere captain shit teeth swerves out in front of me as I am blazing by on the turnpike. Right before that crazy blood rushing, extremely hot feeling of slow motion that happens when the crap gets scared out of you and you realize that you made it and are not on the news. I was in slow motion swerving myself to avoid this above average Dallas driver and I thought it was the "Biggee", quoting my father and Fred Sanford.

Isn't it amazing how even in those panic situations while driving that we still have the time to flip the bird and honk the extended hoooooonk!!!! to the jackass that almost ended it for you. Any who, I made it through this near accident and realized that the car that pulled in front of me was the same guy that I had seen a few exits earlier holding everyone up in the fast lane. I can't speak for all of the states out there, but in Texas the left lane is for faster moving traffic. This skilled race driver was going about 55 in a 65 mph zone, which really means as fast as you can go without getting caught during the morning commute zone. I remember thinking that he was a moron back then and sure enough he was.

I am a Texan born and raised and really enjoy almost everything about Texas. I like Texas BBQ, Beer, Women, Music and Beer. Did I say that already? Anyway, the one thing that Texans do poorly is DRIVE FAST!!! I remember learning that the left lane...fast lane...was for faster cars. Why is it that everyone else driving on the Texas highways with me missed that day of driving school or better yet common sense day???

Here is the rule again for the slow learning group: When cars are passing you on your right...that is a pretty good indicator that you are IN THE DAMN FAST LANE LOSER!!!! MOVE OVER!!!

It is just common sense, which our great state has seemed to have lost here lately. Here's a good example. Today I was at McDonalds and the drive through was jammed full and not a lot of people were inside (fear of eating alone I guess), so I went in to get my lunch. There was only 1 guy in front of me...probably related to the jackass that cut me off this morning..and he looked at the menu as if he had never been to Mickey D's before. I would not have believed what he said next if I weren't there, but this McMoron actually said to the McIdiot working there, "Do you guys have onion rings?" Are you kidding me?? McDonalds has not had a menu change in my lifetime, well except for the coming and going of the McRib. What the hell is that thing?? I can just see me cooking on my smoker and the boys coming over and knocking back a few cold ones as I cook McRibs for all of us. Is is simulated rib meat and why the hell would anyone want that crap. I know I am off on a tangent, but like I said...I AM NEW AT THIS SHIT!! As far as I am concerned with the McDonalds menu, I stay away from anything with Mc in the name. McRib, McChicken, McNuggets...McNasty!!! Just get the 2 cheeseburgers and put your fries on the burgers and be on your way. To drink get the orange drink. Everywhere else it is called Hi-C, but when you got to this damn place your IQ drops 50 points and all you can manage to say when asked "what do want to drink?" is orange drink...McLarge!!!

Well I have probably said way too much about nothing. So if you weren't entertained then why did you keep reading? Good Day!